A few random thoughts for a dreary Thursday morning  . . .

. . . It's cold and dreary outside but warm and bright inside. I'm pretty sure with my love of electric lighting and central heating I'd have had some bad winters as a pioneer!

 . . . I am reading a book I am enjoying more than I thought I would: The Goldfinch by Donna Tartt. The last book I read was Gone Girl by Gillian Flynn -- quite tantalizing -- so I was not holding too many high expectations for my next read. Although The Goldfinch did win a Pulitzer Prize for fiction, so of course it's wonderful! I also recently read and quite loved Rebecca Well's first book, Little Altars Everywhere. It's the back story to The Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood. These are quite diverse reads, so whatever your genre, if you're inclined to wait out winter with a good book, any of these would be a great place to start!

. . . We remembered Frosted Cauliflower a couple of nights ago. Tinker made it for us, all by herself. Here's a photo. You'll have to take my word for it that the shiny orb in front of her is Frosted Cauliflower. We got this recipe from my Aunt but really do it all by guess now:

• Clean and de-leaf a head of cauliflower. Place in a pie plate with a couple tablespoons water, cover tightly with plastic wrap and microwave on high for 7 minutes or until not-quite done.
• Salt and pepper it to taste.
• Cover it all over, lightly, with a layer of mayonnaise. 
• Cover the mayo with shredded cheddar cheese; pat it lightly to stick it down.
• Put it back in the microwave, uncovered, for 3-5 minutes until the cheese melts. 
• Cut into wedges and serve!

. . .  Baseball and softball season starts Saturday. My life is already a whirlwind of practices and snacks and dinner in the car, aka peanut butter sandwiches. I will enjoy it all a lot more when it warms up!

. . . Pepper is coming home this weekend. That means good eating and stimulating conversation; can't wait!

Have a wonderful Thursday!

The Path: Elusive but Omnipresent

Pursue some path, however narrow and crooked, in which you can walk with love and reverence. 

Henry David Thoreau

I've had a calling on my life from an early age. In my twenties, I was able to put words to it, "Be an advocate for children." Since then, I've followed that calling in a variety of ways, some less gracefully than others. All of these ways of these paths have had their pratfalls and dead-ends but I keep on "faith-ing" my way forward.

Now, and quite unexpectedly, I'm on a path wide and bright  which I can follow for some time. If you had to hang a sign over the fork in the road which I crossed last August, that sign would read, "Special Ed."

I am home here in the world of Special Ed, and especially in the world of autism. I love the 5 beautiful boys and our one girl who fill my work days. I love the intricacies of working with these amazing kids. I love the intimacy of the small class and my team and teacher . . . they are an inspiration to me every day.

It's challenging work, don't misunderstand. Every day there is some new mystery -- usually in the form of undesirable behavior -- that we have to unravel.  It is very challenging and yet, it is all joy, too. That sparkling moment when the light bulb goes off and someone does something completely amazing, it's rapture, pure bliss.

My greatest joy in life has been being a mother. That last paragraph completely applies to parenthood too, right? And this, this world of autism and Special Ed, it is a very close second. 

I have said all this to say, simply, it's never too late. If we are faithful, God (or Life or "Thou", if you prefer) is faithful. If we keep following our path, "however narrow and crooked" and if we walk it with "love and reverence," it does lead where we want (and perhaps need) to go.

 Take courage, pilgrim, and take up your staff and walk.  Happy trails.

What Blocks Me

Sometimes inspiration comes from unexpected sources. Recently I came across these thoughts by producer Chuck Lorre:

The things I have spent my life depending on are undependable. Because they are things. And things are, by their very nature, subject to change. This applies to people as well.  People change. People leave. Inevitably we all leave. The world, therefore, is essentially an unstable, uncertain environment. 
That's why I choose to believe in, and depend on, an unchanging , eternal, omnipresent non-thing. . . I try to experience it.
Easy to do do looking out at the ocean. Hard to do looking up at the ocean. Easy to do when you look  at a baby. Hard to do if the baby is next to you on a long plane flight. Easy to do when yo look at a pretty girl. Hard to do if were were once married to her. 
Clearly what blocks me from transcendence is judgment. If I were able to suspend having an opinion on drowning, other peoples' baby's vomit, and alimony, if I could simply see these things as they are  - actions devoid of meaning until I give them meaning - I could experience some semblance of union with the infinite sublime. . .  

Chuck Lorre Productions, #482 (vanity card)

"Judge not. . . lest ye be judged" is a warning common to literature and religious teaching throughout the ages. Perhaps I am particularly afflicted by it; it's a regular and big battle in my quest to become a kinder, gentler version of myself.  In fact, as Lorre so gracefully said, judgment is what blocks me from "union with the infinite sublime." 

What helps, when I can remember to do it, is to notice the judgmental thoughts and autopsy them as they come across. It helps to make a conscious effort to look more deeply at the person or situation I'm judging. It helps to refuse to gossip. It helps to remember it's not all up to me. It helps to remember to "worry about myself; judgment is God's realm. It helps, often, to simply take a deep breath.

In judgement, compassion, humor, and rational thought all go by the wayside. I am not able to be my best self. I am not able to provide clear and unbiased support, to laugh at my own weakness, or to make a perspicacious plan in an emergency.

I endeavor to live my life faithfully and with gratitude. I hunger for that treasured "union with the infinite sublime." Being present with what is delivers it.

More is More, Less is More and More is Better! Happy New Years!

It's a new year  I am celebrating one more beautiful year on this planet and 20 beautiful years with my dear hubby. I love the new year and the new start.  After several years of Six-Word Resolutions to plan my leap into the new year, this year I decided to begin with images that evoke me. I started with Pinterest.

I took some time to reflect on what has inspired me this year: beautiful, healthy food, time with my family, some really good reading, putting away my computer and getting back into knitting, a friend returning from her year away, starting work at a school . . . the list is a long one. Then I selected the images that inspire me to fly high in 2015.  (Here is my visual board.)

After sitting on these for a couple of days, I am happy with my final list, loosely divided into six categories:

Quiet
Take time each day to meditate, reflect, process, choose and -- the biggy --be grateful.
Shore up my support system.
Remember, quality is more important than quantity.

Nourish
Eat healthy to live happy. Listen to my body.

Add steps and exercise; push my potential.
Reach my goal weight, 1 pound at a time.
Remember, to consider both quality and quantity.

Love
Keep a jar full of happy memories to review on December 31.
Spend more time with those who matter most (and the converse: consider carefully time commitments)
Write letters - 1 per week
Remember, more is more!

Possessions and Finances
Live in a way that is congruent with our values. Buy into loving them more and buying them less.
The above includes fast food.  Schedule a fast food fast and Foods stamps budget - planned abstinence.
Remember, less is more (fulfilling).

Vocation/Career
Consider certification; reach a decision by fall.
Continuing education on autism.
Remember, work smarter, not harder.

Play


Knit more!
Read good books - at least 12
Go camping 5 times this year.
Play games with the family weekly (or better, more often)
Remember, more is better!

Serve
Live my faith: Serve at church and in the community; nourish a generous spirit.
Create a plan to pass on leadership in the hospitality ministry.
Remember to do less, but better.

I find making resolutions really helps me keep my focus on what matters to me.  I write them on pretty paper and post them on my fridge and look at them quite regularly. I fall out of step with them at times but then step back in again in due course. If I did not make resolutions, I would be less purposeful in creating the life I love to live!

I'd love to hear what you are resolving this year, and how you are going about it!

A Change of Face

Lately I have been in "powering through" mode. Some might call it, "Soldiering On" mode.

I'm made of tough stock. The pioneer spirit is still alive and well in my family. I have years of training in "soldiering on." Never give up, never call a truce, never admit defeat; just lace up your boots, set your jaw and power through.

This isn't the most productive or joyful way to live but by golly, it gets the job done. With the new year streaking toward me like a comet, fast and and inevitably, it's a good time for a change of pace. Or perhaps I might say, a change of "face."

It's time to put on a new face, to relax my jaw, and to breathe deeply. It's time to make real and faithful choices about how I want to live my life day-to-day.  It's time to un-wind the metronome and create the life I want in 2015.

My first step in doing this has been to re-create my schedule for the coming months.  Instead of letting time run me, I will be thoughtful about how to have the time for what matters most. There are finite hours in each day and I am away from home for 9 of them. Having a schedule doesn't mean I am tied rigidly to what's on a piece of paper, but instead helps me keep in mind the things I've chosen as valuable. 

My second step is to have a physical reminder to check my jaw. I've set a chime on my phone to remind me at regular intervals to check in with myself and see if I'm awake and making choices or slipped back to "soldiering on." 

My third step is setting aside time every day for meditation, reflection and processing the events of the previous day. Making conscientious choices moment by moment is the goal, but I find that hard to achieve without time each day to reflect and course-correct.

Lastly, I will actively work to restore a support system. I had an aborted attempt at starting a new support relationship earlier this fall. I will go, hat-in-hand, to that person and ask for a do-over. If that can't or won't work, I will come up with a new plan. I am happiest in my life when I have someone present in my life to help me remember who I am and what I'm about when I temporarily forget.  

What about you? Is this a good time for a change of face?