A Year for Vision and Celebration

I had the most lovely dream last night. Or I should say, I had an amazing dream THIS night as it's 2:00 in the morning! I was working with a group to create a Christmas display in a community. In my dream, it was Lockhart, TX, probably because I drove through their square and past their gorgeous old courthouse today.

We were working as a group to create various pieces of this immense and sprawling display. It was a true extravaganza! As we would wind down in one area, a new idea would emerge and all would pitch in to bring that vision to fruition, using the talents and know-how of the group and gathering materials from what was on hand. And so we went from area to area, each more lovely than the next, more interactive, more alive, somehow.

At the last, we decided to work on a swing that would lower a lovely lady slowly to the ground. As as she alighted, something in the display was illuminated. It was my mentor, Sue Oldham, now many years gone. Sue was a fiercely loyal, loving and tough, athletic woman, toughest on herself, and I was mesmerized by this side of her, so soft and radiant and light. 

 We worked and worked on this and kept trying to overcome structural problems and various issues to make it work, because it was "my baby" and I do not like to give up. Finally it was "curtain time" and people were about to walk through and the person acting as MC and construction boss, called it and took that bit out of the display, mainly for safety reasons. It was one of my trainers, Dr. Richard Perry. So we moved away the pulleys and let down our "angel" and  re-secured the tent to make sure it was all sound. 

 Richard then told me, "Slow down; rest now and take in your creation!" Perhaps uncharacteristically, I was able to do exactly that. I remember fleeing for a minute to quiet down the mind-talk and accept reality. I was very quickly able to move to acceptance and see it all as it was and to truly celebrate what we had created. 

As I awoke, the message was loud and clear to me. There has to be a time in which we stop making "improvements" and we embrace our efforts (and ourselves.)  Sometimes, our best, really has to be good enough. 

It is so tempting this time of year to look at all we've missed or stumbled upon in the past year, and vow to be better, do better, strive harder, etc. Certainly, there are plenty of places in my life where I need to  do that. There are other places too, though, where I need to bask more in the joy of the creation. 

I hope your new year is full of promise, hope, vision  and resolution . . . and also, celebration; soaking in who you are and what you've done in the world. This year, celebrate you!

 Happy New Year. 

Image by kurt duschek from Pixabay 

Cross-Purposes and True Intention

 I'm on day 5 of a journey called a 10-day Family Recharge.  Whatever your job is, try to imagine that a kind, creative soul came in and said, basically, "Just for today, what if you tried this?  Here is some inspiration.  Here is some encouragement.  Here is some support."  Now imagine that tomorrow, they come back in with something else, presented again as an offering, open handed, open heartedly.  And you can simply not resist because the leadership is so inviting and non-demanding.  This is my experience of the re-charge so far.  It has been a warm place to walk into.  

 

Yet, today, I awakened quite tired and full of stress.  Just like an advanced course, somewhere mid-way, I am starting to take stock.  I am being hard on myself for not being 100% the person 0r wife or parent I want to be. I am having trouble seeing the work I am doing and that my intention is what shines through even when I am not meeting all my goals.  I am having trouble seeing past the not so successful potty training, the Mount Laundry, the messy rooms; I can't see the forest for the trees.

So I lulled myself (almost) to sleep.  I was literally about to take a nap when I thought, "Well, I'll just check my email first."  When I did, I saw this amazing video and I had an epiphany. 

My house is not always messy.  It's not as if people throw something on the floor and I never pick it up.  It's an evolution.  The kitchen is clean every day -- sometimes two or three times!  But we live there.  We cook all our meals at home - our kitchen is the heart of our family; 6 people are in this house 24 hours a day, and 7 live here for 14.  It's not a realistic "want."

I am getting what I wanted from the re-charge.  I am reconnecting with my family in new and profound ways.  I am seeing myself and each member of the family with new eyes.  I feel more relaxed and less worried.  I wanted to re-create our life together and that is happening, completely.

To be completely honest, the intention I had "on paper" for the re-charge was not my true intention.  My true intention was to become something like super-mom.  I can see that now.  I knew what I needed was an "easing into" my true motherhood -- my genuine love of children and to let that joy and love out -- but I still subconsciously thought I should want something more.  Talk about cross-purposes!

Whew.  I feel it easing in me already.  And I am already laughing at myself.  If my old buddy Will Pyke were reading this, it would crack him up too.  It's Seven Days all over again.  Oh my gosh.  I can only stand about 3 days of trusting myself and then I have to have a little breakdown.  

 

My true purpose is to love my family with my whole heart and to love myself in the process.  I can move toward a more conscious living space with them.  It's not for me to do; it's for us to do to the best of our abilities and without forsaking what truly matters:  That each and every one of us has the chance grow into the person we are created to be.  One day all the children will be grown and my house will be clean.  And then it will be time for a new purpose.    

 

A wise man named Richard Perry once said, "God has not given me a single moment of control, but every moment of choice!"  I'm over it now.  I really am.  In the snap of a fingers, I can change my perspective. 

 

Thanks be to God.  And me.  and Annie.  and Erin.  And you, too, Will Pyke, wherever you are!  Blessings on you all.