As the year drifts quietly to a close, I inevitably think of promises kept-- and those broken --and wonder about what lies beneath the lovely wrapping in the gift of the new year. Usually I am busy making lists and resolutions at this time, but not this year.
A solidity has settled in me; a stillness, of sorts. I have some plans, of course, but they aren't revolutionary, they are already in place, supported and shored up. My major goal for this coming year is to stay the course, keep my bearings and keep looking up and out to see what's next.
I got some big wake up calls this year. The same ones that come over and over at my age and have been hitting us all hard since CV-19 entered our world: Relationships are finite, ought not be taken for granted and can end without notice. Pay attention to what -- no who -- really matters and let go the rest. Nothing else matters. The only thing I can leave behind is the impact I have on the people I love.
Before I move on to the next part let me talk a little about church. I'm a believer - - there's no doubt -- however, I am not always faithful. I struggle, a lot. I have talked to a trusted pastor about it and he has encouraged me, basically, to keep struggling. For now, that's where I am. I go to mass, mostly alone, because that's the most comfortable for me. It's a challenge with a gay child, and a rebellious child and kids who drift in and out of willingness to cooperate. I don't agree with THE CHURCH's stand on everything, but I did a lot of study to get here and it's where I fit most so I am trying.
It's an awkward fit at best. It's like my arms and legs are too long for my clothes and everything is stretched out of shape, but still, they're my favs. I'm good with God. On that, I'm clear and if I'm not, there will be a reckoning, right? Still . . . I'm resting easy.
Which leads to the next thing. When I was a teenager, Billy Graham was a TV evangelist. He was big on people memorizing Bible verses in case they were one day imprisoned. As an impressionable kid with a lot of time on my hands -- there was NOTHING on TV in those days -- I took his warnings to heart. Whatever he was trying to accomplish obviously worked because many of the verses I memorized way back then are my guiding principals to this day. This has been my theme to keep me lighthearted and hopeful in the face of many challenging and un-funny family situations:
Count it all joy, my brethren, when you meet various trial,
for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness.
And let steadfastness have its full effect,
that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing. (James 1:2-4)
With that, I take a big, satisfied breath. I am indeed "lacking in nothing." It has been a year of hard work with sound results. Everyone is okay, learning and growing, including me. There is no other way to be but joyful!
I have some plans for next year but the biggest one is this: Take a breath and simply do what's next. I've got this and you do too.
Here's a wish that the New Year dawns full of hope for you. Cheers!
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