A Change of Face

Lately I have been in "powering through" mode. Some might call it, "Soldiering On" mode.

I'm made of tough stock. The pioneer spirit is still alive and well in my family. I have years of training in "soldiering on." Never give up, never call a truce, never admit defeat; just lace up your boots, set your jaw and power through.

This isn't the most productive or joyful way to live but by golly, it gets the job done. With the new year streaking toward me like a comet, fast and and inevitably, it's a good time for a change of pace. Or perhaps I might say, a change of "face."

It's time to put on a new face, to relax my jaw, and to breathe deeply. It's time to make real and faithful choices about how I want to live my life day-to-day.  It's time to un-wind the metronome and create the life I want in 2015.

My first step in doing this has been to re-create my schedule for the coming months.  Instead of letting time run me, I will be thoughtful about how to have the time for what matters most. There are finite hours in each day and I am away from home for 9 of them. Having a schedule doesn't mean I am tied rigidly to what's on a piece of paper, but instead helps me keep in mind the things I've chosen as valuable. 

My second step is to have a physical reminder to check my jaw. I've set a chime on my phone to remind me at regular intervals to check in with myself and see if I'm awake and making choices or slipped back to "soldiering on." 

My third step is setting aside time every day for meditation, reflection and processing the events of the previous day. Making conscientious choices moment by moment is the goal, but I find that hard to achieve without time each day to reflect and course-correct.

Lastly, I will actively work to restore a support system. I had an aborted attempt at starting a new support relationship earlier this fall. I will go, hat-in-hand, to that person and ask for a do-over. If that can't or won't work, I will come up with a new plan. I am happiest in my life when I have someone present in my life to help me remember who I am and what I'm about when I temporarily forget.  

What about you? Is this a good time for a change of face?

Growing a New Mindset

I've been doing some reading lately on Cognitive Behavior Theory and how that interplays with new research being done through brain imaging.*  It's a little complicated for a lay person to untangle, but what it seems to come down to is this:  It's easier to change our behavior than to change our mind.  People, it appears, really do have a "mindset."  This mindset applies to almost every area of our lives.  We are probably all aware that we have a mindset about right and wrong, good and bad, but we also have a mindset about subtle things too, like which things are delicious and which colors are pretty.

Look at forgiveness, for example.  Do you remember when you were a child and a sibling or close friend hurt your feelings in some (to you) terrible way and your parents told you to forgive that person?  Can you remember how completely crazy and foreign that idea sounded?  To children, the "black and white" of "right and wrong" is as true and absolute as the notion that the sun will both rise and set each day.  It's only with age and experience that the black and white of right and wrong begins to gray and blur at the edges.  Forgiveness is a fascinating platform for investigating our mind-behavior interaction.

Also fascinating is how our cognition effects us when we want to change our behavior in some way.  For example, last year, I lost 45 pounds or so.  Then I plateaued for 10 months and am only now managing to lose again.  Research has repeatedly shown that most weight loss plateaus are caused by "lessened effort" as opposed to metabolic causes.  Therefore, I had to examine the root cause of my reduced efforts.  What I noticed was how easy it is for me to say, "I am too busy to . . ." or "Taking care of this (person or appointment) is more important than ( my food plan or my exercise)" or "Eating a special diet is too (blah, blah, blah). . ." and thus justify my choices. 

This was truly confounding to me.  I am a helpful person.  I'm generous with my time and talents.  I am quick to say "yes" when asked to aid another.  I'm industrious and hard working.  So why am I unwilling to aid myself? 

This is where cognitive behavior theory comes into play.  Ultimately, it is easier to think the way I've always thought than to change my mind.  Relapse is a huge issue for anyone trying to change their behavior.  That's because -- in theory -- it's easier to change your behavior than change your mind.  I've known people who stopped smoking for years, then relapsed in an evening at a bar and starting buying cigarettes again the next day.  Even with all we now know about smoking and our health, in the end, it's easy to justify. At some point, they made it okay for themselves and now "smoking is okay" is the default position.   It's our mindset.  This is why someone suffering from morbid obesity and diabetes can buy and eat that chocolate bar.  This is why the addict relapses.  Understanding the power of the mindset gives me a lot of empathy for people that I might be tempted to judge.

There is good news, however;  If we can change our behavior long enough, we can actually change our minds.  Recent research using brain imagery has documented these changes and it is good news, indeed.*  If you can successfully change your behavior long enough to form a new habit, your mind will start to accept the new norm.  You can actually change your mind and reset the position of that "switch."   The new mindset, however, is quite elastic;  for a long period of time it wants to re-form into the old mold, so vigilance and perseverance become important characteristics for success.

In my every day life it all boils down to this.  For years, I've subscribed to the notion that if I can repeat an action (or avoid repeating it) for 21 times, I can form a new habit.  It appears then, that by forming that new habit I truly can "act my way into right thinking."  The "but" is that it may take longer than I think it should and it may take some effort to keep the new way of thinking in the new shape.   I can live with that!

*Footnote: I don't have many references to share with you for either the brain imaging or the Cognitive Behavior Theory because I was not thinking about blogging as I was reading and absorbing it!  However, this is an ongoing topic of interest, so as I come across references for these things later on, I will come back and add in some links here.