What Blocks Me

Sometimes inspiration comes from unexpected sources. Recently I came across these thoughts by producer Chuck Lorre:

The things I have spent my life depending on are undependable. Because they are things. And things are, by their very nature, subject to change. This applies to people as well.  People change. People leave. Inevitably we all leave. The world, therefore, is essentially an unstable, uncertain environment. 
That's why I choose to believe in, and depend on, an unchanging , eternal, omnipresent non-thing. . . I try to experience it.
Easy to do do looking out at the ocean. Hard to do looking up at the ocean. Easy to do when you look  at a baby. Hard to do if the baby is next to you on a long plane flight. Easy to do when yo look at a pretty girl. Hard to do if were were once married to her. 
Clearly what blocks me from transcendence is judgment. If I were able to suspend having an opinion on drowning, other peoples' baby's vomit, and alimony, if I could simply see these things as they are  - actions devoid of meaning until I give them meaning - I could experience some semblance of union with the infinite sublime. . .  

Chuck Lorre Productions, #482 (vanity card)

"Judge not. . . lest ye be judged" is a warning common to literature and religious teaching throughout the ages. Perhaps I am particularly afflicted by it; it's a regular and big battle in my quest to become a kinder, gentler version of myself.  In fact, as Lorre so gracefully said, judgment is what blocks me from "union with the infinite sublime." 

What helps, when I can remember to do it, is to notice the judgmental thoughts and autopsy them as they come across. It helps to make a conscious effort to look more deeply at the person or situation I'm judging. It helps to refuse to gossip. It helps to remember it's not all up to me. It helps to remember to "worry about myself; judgment is God's realm. It helps, often, to simply take a deep breath.

In judgement, compassion, humor, and rational thought all go by the wayside. I am not able to be my best self. I am not able to provide clear and unbiased support, to laugh at my own weakness, or to make a perspicacious plan in an emergency.

I endeavor to live my life faithfully and with gratitude. I hunger for that treasured "union with the infinite sublime." Being present with what is delivers it.

More is More, Less is More and More is Better! Happy New Years!

It's a new year  I am celebrating one more beautiful year on this planet and 20 beautiful years with my dear hubby. I love the new year and the new start.  After several years of Six-Word Resolutions to plan my leap into the new year, this year I decided to begin with images that evoke me. I started with Pinterest.

I took some time to reflect on what has inspired me this year: beautiful, healthy food, time with my family, some really good reading, putting away my computer and getting back into knitting, a friend returning from her year away, starting work at a school . . . the list is a long one. Then I selected the images that inspire me to fly high in 2015.  (Here is my visual board.)

After sitting on these for a couple of days, I am happy with my final list, loosely divided into six categories:

Quiet
Take time each day to meditate, reflect, process, choose and -- the biggy --be grateful.
Shore up my support system.
Remember, quality is more important than quantity.

Nourish
Eat healthy to live happy. Listen to my body.

Add steps and exercise; push my potential.
Reach my goal weight, 1 pound at a time.
Remember, to consider both quality and quantity.

Love
Keep a jar full of happy memories to review on December 31.
Spend more time with those who matter most (and the converse: consider carefully time commitments)
Write letters - 1 per week
Remember, more is more!

Possessions and Finances
Live in a way that is congruent with our values. Buy into loving them more and buying them less.
The above includes fast food.  Schedule a fast food fast and Foods stamps budget - planned abstinence.
Remember, less is more (fulfilling).

Vocation/Career
Consider certification; reach a decision by fall.
Continuing education on autism.
Remember, work smarter, not harder.

Play


Knit more!
Read good books - at least 12
Go camping 5 times this year.
Play games with the family weekly (or better, more often)
Remember, more is better!

Serve
Live my faith: Serve at church and in the community; nourish a generous spirit.
Create a plan to pass on leadership in the hospitality ministry.
Remember to do less, but better.

I find making resolutions really helps me keep my focus on what matters to me.  I write them on pretty paper and post them on my fridge and look at them quite regularly. I fall out of step with them at times but then step back in again in due course. If I did not make resolutions, I would be less purposeful in creating the life I love to live!

I'd love to hear what you are resolving this year, and how you are going about it!

A Change of Face

Lately I have been in "powering through" mode. Some might call it, "Soldiering On" mode.

I'm made of tough stock. The pioneer spirit is still alive and well in my family. I have years of training in "soldiering on." Never give up, never call a truce, never admit defeat; just lace up your boots, set your jaw and power through.

This isn't the most productive or joyful way to live but by golly, it gets the job done. With the new year streaking toward me like a comet, fast and and inevitably, it's a good time for a change of pace. Or perhaps I might say, a change of "face."

It's time to put on a new face, to relax my jaw, and to breathe deeply. It's time to make real and faithful choices about how I want to live my life day-to-day.  It's time to un-wind the metronome and create the life I want in 2015.

My first step in doing this has been to re-create my schedule for the coming months.  Instead of letting time run me, I will be thoughtful about how to have the time for what matters most. There are finite hours in each day and I am away from home for 9 of them. Having a schedule doesn't mean I am tied rigidly to what's on a piece of paper, but instead helps me keep in mind the things I've chosen as valuable. 

My second step is to have a physical reminder to check my jaw. I've set a chime on my phone to remind me at regular intervals to check in with myself and see if I'm awake and making choices or slipped back to "soldiering on." 

My third step is setting aside time every day for meditation, reflection and processing the events of the previous day. Making conscientious choices moment by moment is the goal, but I find that hard to achieve without time each day to reflect and course-correct.

Lastly, I will actively work to restore a support system. I had an aborted attempt at starting a new support relationship earlier this fall. I will go, hat-in-hand, to that person and ask for a do-over. If that can't or won't work, I will come up with a new plan. I am happiest in my life when I have someone present in my life to help me remember who I am and what I'm about when I temporarily forget.  

What about you? Is this a good time for a change of face?

The Face of Fifty-Five

I'm 55. It sounds foreign to my ears; I still feel like I'm in my 30s. Fifty-five. Wow.

When I was in my thirties, I couldn't imagine why women colored their hair, bleached their teeth, and got face lifts. Honestly, I was pretty judgmental about it. I also held some pretty strong judgments about people who claimed to be on a diet but never seemed to get thinner. Let's just say I've been humbled. We get our lessons one way or another! I don't do those things, but I am very tempted to "stop the clock." And yet, for me at least, I think other people who look their age are lovely. Why cover up those hard-earned signs of survival.

At New Year's I set out to be the best me I could be. I resolved to love with passion and live with forgiveness. One of the people I decided to love a lot more was me. As a result, I have been conscious of not using my mirror to be critical of myself but to see deeply. I have surprised myself at my willingness to accept my 55 year old face. Here it is, unmade up for your inspection:

One of my friends recently suggested that if I colored my hair, people would not guess my true age.  Anyway, she was truly being complementary so I decided not to mix it up with her about self-acceptance, why I've chosen this route, etc. She was just being sweet so I took it in and let the rest float away.

Wrinkles. Well, the beginnings of them anyway, on the edges of my face and around my eyes. There are lots of deep ones on my neck and chest.



Gray hair, as it turns out, is a little translucent. My hair is a lot thinner now too.

I'm more than 2 years shampoo-free now and will never go back to all the chemicals on my hair. While my skin allergy is still in evidence, it is leagues better since giving up shampoo. It also really simplifies travel.

The next close up shows both the allergy and the spritely gray eyebrows.

 I've discovered my allergy is sugar-related, no matter what my dermatologist says. I've cut way back on refined carbs to try to affect a cure.

I first got glasses and bi-focals in my forties. "No-line" tri-focals are my secret to stress-free seeing now. I like myself better in glasses now. It brings my deepset eyes forward.





So this is it. The face of 55. My dear daughter took these pictures and I think looking so closely at middle-age gave her a bit of discomfort.

So she applied my make-up and took an "after" picture.

If I'm in middle age now, I guess I have another 5 decades of changes to record. Let's see if I stay brave!

The Sound of Morning

When I was a youngster, I woke to the smell of coffee wafting through the house and when I went downstairs, I would hear the percolator doing it's work. This, to me, is the sound and smell of home. It is the sound and smell of love.

I am not sure how my children will one day describe the sound of "home," but I know our "morning songs" will be a part of it. I have shared previously about our "morning soundtrack." When I put the soundtrack together, I had no idea how much a part of our life it would become. Back then, in the hot summer, it was just fun.

Now 7 months into the school year, this playlist is a pivotal part of our life. When it's time for the kids to wake up, I make my latte, turn on the lights and start the music. Slowly, the kids emerge. Everyone has their favorite song and our list has grown from 15 to 27 pieces. Occasionally, one of the kids will say, "you need to add that song to our morning" and so on it grows. Tinker requested "I Can See Clearly Now" when I was jamming out to 70s tunes on a Throwback Thursday. The Blitz was humming "You've Got a Friend in Me" (Toy Story) and said, "put that on the list, Mommy!"

What I love about it is that it brings a smile to our faces. Our mornings seem to go smoother with the music. From time to time we all stop what we're doing to dance or sing to a song. Yes, it's as sappy and sickly sweet as it sounds. These songs stand for togetherness; they are a uniting force in our lives. It's not all roses. There a couple of songs on there that Pepper can't stand but tolerates. There was one Lionel Richie song that over time became so creepy to both Pepper and me that we had to take it off!

This morning, school was postponed for two hours so I didn't start the music. The Blitz sat across from me at the table bobbing his head around.

"Whatcha doing, Buddy?" I finally asked.

"I'm singing "You are my Sunshine" in my brain, Mommy! Can you turn it on please? Because you are my sunshine."

Heart: Melted. Soundtrack: On.

What is the soundtrack of your morning?

PS - If you care to know, here is our list today:

Good Morning (LP Version) - Debbie Reynolds, Donald O'Connor & Gene Kelly
Good Morning - (feat. TobyMac) Mandisa & tobyMac
First Day of My Life - Bright Eyes
Good Morning Beautiful - Steve Holy
Good Morning - The Kiboomers
Good Morning Good Morning - The Beatles
Holy As a Day Is Spent - Carrie Newcomer
Good Morning (Mr Magorium's Wonder Emporium) Aaron Zigman & Alexandre Desplat A
New Day - Corey Smith
Let Your Light Shine - Joe McDermott
Brand New Day - Joshua Radin
Good Day Sunshine - The Beatles
You Are the Sunshine of My Life - Stevie Wonder
You Are My Sunshine - Gene Autry
New Day - River Valley Church
Day By Day - Anna Maria Perez de Taglé & Godspell Ensemble
Zip a Dee Doo Dah- Bing Crosby
Oh Sweet Lorraine - Jacob Colgan and Fred Staubaugh
A Beautiful Morning - The Rascals
I Can See Clearly Now - Jimmy Cliff
Sunshine - G Love
Morning Has Broken - Cat Stevens
Happy Together - The Turtles
Beautiful - Gordon Lightfoot
Bleecker Street - Simon and Garfunkel
You've Got a Friend in Me - Toy Story
La Vie En Rose - Cristin Milotti