Seven Quick Takes - Happy Hours, Memes and Cattle Drives

Fall is here. I'm so happy. It has been rainy and gloomy and cold and I could not be more joyous. Well yesterday it was sunny and cool which is even greater. It's fall -- so life is busy with 5 kids in 4 different educational settings so I've fallen behind on blogging. Hence today's foray into Seven Quick Takes (which as it turns out took 13 hours to get published and are now practically "out takes.")

One:

I tried to re-institute Happy Hour around here. My dear friend Laura reminded me that "running shoes and wine" are Mama's sanity savers. It seems, however,  that through all the dieting and heart stuff of the last year, I've lost my tolerance for a half-glass of wine. It just makes me want a nap. So Happy Hour lasted one day and has been replaced by Coffee Break. (Funny, writing this I realize I'm not allowed to drink alcohol with my heart meds. Oops. That explains the need for nap!)

Two:

In an "oh, duh" moment, I read an article on Web MD reporting a study that said doctors need to address lifestyle issues like obesity and sedentary lifestyles with their patients instead of just addressing the symptoms like high blood pressure and diabetes. Seriously, we needed a study to tell us this?  It shores up another study I read recently that said your physician is unlikely to mention weight to you if you are overweight but not very obese. It was kind of a "nice" thing. That jives with my experience for sure. It looks like it's still on us to manage our health and not wait for the doctors to tell us we need to exercise and lose weight. Oh it's so much easier when we have someone to blame. "My doctor didn't SAY I was overweight."

Three:

It had to be said, "What's the deal with Memes?" I know I am old, very very old. Okay, I'm 54. I see a lot of Memes. Very few amuse me. I mostly enjoy the ones where Ryan Gosling "talks" to the ladies:

I don't know why I love this so much. It's just ridiculous. But seriously, is it just me or do a lot of Memes miss the mark? Oh, and do I have to capitalize "M"emes? In case you are a funny person though, here's a "build your own Meme" site.

Four:

I would like to learn how to count money in Spanish. I am starting to get along with my customers quite well in Spanish, but I have no idea how to count money to them. I am not talking about the actual words for the numbers -- though I could brush up on them -- I am wondering what's the proper way to do it?  In English, if we're counting hundreds (of dollars) for instance, we'll say, "$500 coming back to you: One, two, three, four, five hundred," or "four, five, . . (ETC). . nine hundred, one thousand, eleven-hundred, twelve, thirteen, fourteen hundred." So you see my dilemma. In Spanish (at least the Texas version) is it permissible to leave off the hundreds or do you have to say them every time? My coworker keeps promising to show me but on the days we both work, we're too all-fired busy for remedial Spanish. If you know these things, please help me!

Five

Passive aggressiveness can be so subtle. I actually prefer the guy in the church parking lot blaring his horn at me to the lady who thinks I took her parking spot so parks so close to my car I can't open the door. (Blanket useful fact here: I have a lot of distractions in the car; I probably never even saw you.) 

So here is my "coach tip" of the day: How do you know if you're passive aggressive? If you don't like your neighbor's kids playing basketball at midnight and you ask the HOA to ban basketball hoops in driveways, you might be passive aggressive. A more useful approach is to ask the neighbor kids not to play after 10:00 PM because it is disturbing your sleep. I'm sure they aren't keeping you awake on purpose. Being direct is a lot more likely to get you what you want, even though it is more uncomfortable at first. Try asking a friend to support you by letting you practice with them first. If you really, really just can't say the words, write a note that begins with "I'm a little shy but I want to tell you . . ." and deliver it with a plate of cookies and a smile. In the long run, people will love you for it.

Six

I'm really worried about boys playing football. Those head injuries can have such long-term consequences. I think every parent of boys should be required to watch this Frontline specials, "League of Denial." Even if not all the conclusions they draw are 100% correct, there is enough there to make me say, "Sorry sons. No football for you."  We just can't risk it.

Seven

Tomorrow is Chisholm Trail Days in Georgetown. I'm going to "encourage" Daddy to take the kiddos - I think it would be fun if the weather cooperates. I'm telling you this so you'll go check it out too! It's the time of year to get outdoors, people. They have a cattle drive at noon!

Have a great weekend!  

Missing Sharon and a Lesson on Grief

Lately, I have been missing my dear "sister" Sharon. She's been gone for 7 -1/2 years now, but in the last weeks, the longing for her has returned with an acuteness I'd not felt in some time. The "longing" is an actual feeling in my chest, a heaviness; it's tears just behind my eyes; it's a tendency to pout.

It seems everything reminds me of her. Someone gave me a book called The Good, Good Pig. I cannot even look at the cover without smiling and thinking of her. She'd have loved the cover and the book and it reminds me that we sure shared some laughs and some good reading!

I play my iPod on "shuffle" and all the "Sharon" songs seem to come on. Yesterday, I made a genius list of one of my silly songs -- "Don't Fence Me In" and there were a couple of those songs in the mix. The one that had the tears flowing was "Life A'int Always Beautiful" by Gary Allen. It is a truly lovely song and it's one that came across Pandora in the weeks I sat in the hospital with Sharon. It has ties to that time. Still, I wondered at this sudden renewal of a sense of loss. Something about it just didn't ring true.

The song that really busted me up, though, was "My Sweet Lorraine." Oh, my goodness, this song (and it's story) just has me crying every time. And yet . . . there is also something in the song that has caught my attention. It was this line: "I wish we could do the good times all over again." Isn't that how it is with grief? We blissfully remember mostly the sweet times and we somehow believe or think that if we had a second chance, it would be all those good times.

Finally, I had a speck of insight into my grief! I do miss those good times with Sharon; the twice daily phone calls, the way we told each other the whole truth, her honesty, her sweet smile. And though I'd have given anything to extend her life even a day, I learned so much from her death. This is true not only for  me, but many others as well. We have all evolved, so to speak, in a way that might have been much different were she still living.

I can see that it may not be mainly Sharon that I miss, but "the way we were." I sent my last "Little" off to school this year; there is grief there. My bestie is on a year long sabbatical traveling the country with her family. I'm so happy for her yet I do miss her so. My oldest "big," Alli, is in her senior year --our relationship is a close one but bound to change in the coming months as she traverses her first foray with true independence; it is a beautiful and heart-breaking time. I have gone back to "outside the home" work for the first time since Alli was born. There are a few unresolved guilty thoughts lurking there.

Life is changing, as it always does. Wishing Sharon back from the dead will not shield me from this truth. My part is (as always) to stop resisting and ebrace what is, to live my "yes" to the gift of this moment. 

In fact, when Sharon was dying, I was able to be present in the moment. I was able to say , "This is the truth of her life. I will be with her in her truth." That is how I want to be in the truth of my life this moment. I want to truly enjoy my friend's travels, to savor Alli's senior year without holding on too tight, to enjoy Bennie's first steps away from me, and so forth.

I do miss my sweet sister, and I am equally grateful for all I have learned, both from her living and her dying. Sweet Sunday, everyone!

You May Not be as Good at Multitasking as You Think!

I used to think I was a good multi-tasker and, honestly, it still says so on my resume. I know it's a sham though. Recently I heard a couple of UT professors (Two Guys on Your Head) speaking about multi-tasking and was reminded that I can't actually do it. To put it bluntly, they said something to the effect of: Humans don't multitask. We only have processor. We can do exactly one thing at a time.

Younger folks are apparently better at looking like they're multi-tasking because they can switch between tasks with less effort and more easily remember where they were on the last task. My teens, for example, texting a friend while working on homework, can remember both where they are on the homework and where they are in multiple conversations. Is it the most efficient way to study? No, but it can be done. Nonetheless, it is still not multi-tasking in it's true meaning; it's actually doing one thing at a time in rapid succession. (There is an exception: behavior that has become automatic - toileting, etc.)  At my age (over 50), I'd have to be re-reading the texts to remember where I was and marking the homework in some way so as not to lose my place. 

This was all too obvious yesterday when I was working in the drive through at the bank by myself for a period. We had 5 lanes open so I had to keep speaking to customers as I worked on other's transactions, remember what each person needed and keep all the tubes in arrival order. I did this better than I thought I could but it was very challenging. I kept hearing myself say, "Where was I?"

So did I just write all this to ruin your day? Not at all. I am actually proposing (for myself and you) an alternative. Maybe it is not necessary to keep so many balls in the air at once.  Our rapidly growing technology may have lured us into thinking we have to stay in touch with all our "friends," take phone calls any hour of the day and night, respond to every text and stay caught up on email and Facebook, but it's not actually true. There is something to be said for driving my car without talking on the phone. There is something to be gained from sleeping, uninterrupted by text. There is preciousness in giving my family my undivided attention.

You get the idea. Some attempts at multi-tasking are crucial. No matter what you are doing, you can't take your eye off that toddler, right? However, a lot of it is not only unproductive and unnecessary, it's stealing quality from my life. When I get home from work today, I'm going to turn off my phone, leave my computer stowed, turn on some music and just enjoy Saturday with my peeps. How about you?

Choosing to Love

19 years ago when I met Paul, we chose to love each other. It was definitely not love at first sight. We were both in our mid-thirties, committed to settling down, hopeful about building a family; we each had a vision for a relationship and therefore, we chose to love each other.

Love is always a choice. Sometimes it comes easier than others, but it's always a choice. The last three years have been stressful ones around here. They have been "good" years, for sure, but some of the hard choices we've made have meant that things are more stressful than at other times. I come from two long lines of hard-working people, so when I am under stress, my natural instinct is to put my head down and work. If I do that for too long, I start to close my heart. The work becomes my focus and I forget to let in and out the love I have for the very people one whose behalf I'm working.

That realization is what started me on my quest to open my heart back in February. Since then, I have been allowing myself to remember how much I love the people around me. For the most part, my expressions of love have been met with appreciation. The "side effect" to being closed-hearted is that it tends to make the people around me closed-hearted too. So when I remember love is a choice and open my heart again, they don't always do so instantly. Sometimes, they have to learn to trust again. That part is not my purview. All I can do is offer, sincerely, what I have to offer. Part of the process of opening the heart is to notice and remove my demands that others accept or reciprocate that love.

There have been many sweet moments of love, lately, and one awkward one. A sweet moment came in reaching out to a younger relative and she reached back to say, "That is just what I needed to hear today." Another sweet moment was my open-heartedness toward a total stranger at the bank led him to say, "I am coming in here everyday. You make me feel so good about myself."

The awkward moment came in the ER during an unplanned cardio-version on Tuesday. Though all the ER personnel had said he wouldn't, my kind, amazing cardiologist showed up (off-call) to check on me in person. He got there at the exact moment they began administering my phenterol and I was a little --well -- drunk. I looked at him and said in a gushy voice, "Dr. Vaisman, you're my superhero." It was a a little awkward, but he took the complement with grace.

I have just ended yet another unplanned heart-related hospital stint -- only 4 days this time, in two different hospitals, with two different cardio procedures -- and I have added a lot more "loves" to my life-list. So many kind people cared for me in the past four days and so many people near and far have reached out to me with love and care. I am grateful that  my heart is open to receive it!

Hey, Dr. Vaisman and Dr. Sanchez, maybe that's why my heart keeps beating so fast!

Sound Track of my Life

I'm a "morning person." I used to be quite sadly alone in the morning and, in fact, if I go in to wake up Dear Hubby or "the Bigs," they've been known to shout, "I'm up, I'm up -- don't sing."  Then along came the Littles and like most youngsters, they're morning people too.  We quite often use the radio on the kitchen stereo in the mornings to listen to music, but just as often we're listening to a playlist on my iPod.

Music has been such an important part of my life and, dare I say it?, has become even more since the advent of the iPod and MP3 player. Being able to have the music of my choosing that fits my mood any time I want it -- I love that!  My iPod has songs that remind me of both happy and sad times in my life, songs from high school all the way to present; I have playlists for going to sleep (when that's challenging), lists to inspire exercise or reflection and playlists from special events and trainings. These songs immediately bring to mind loved ones far and near. They are a kind of soundtrack of my life. Sometimes hearing one of these songs reminds me to write a note or send an email to reach out and say, "I see you. Thank you for being in my life."

Recently I noticed I had quite a few cheery morning songs amassed and decided to put together a morning songs playlist. Our new tradition is to start each day listening to our "Good Morning" soundtrack. It's an eclectic mix of songs that make us smile. Since we started the morning playlist, I've noticed that we are all cheerier and things go more smoothly. It may not be a pretty sight, but anytime you can get Mama dancing in the kitchen, it's going to be a better day. Also, I can't help but wonder when the kids are grown up, will hearing one of these songs remind them of home? Will they remember somewhere there is a mama who still loves them, will they crave  eggs or oatmeal, will they call their siblings?

 Here's the list; let me know if you have any suggestions for additions. Maybe it will inspire you make your own good morning list -- and then share it with us, of course!

Good Morning (LP Version) Debbie Reynolds, Donald O'Connor & Gene Kelly
Good Morning (feat. TobyMac) Mandisa & tobyMac
First Day of My Life Bright Eyes
Good Morning Beautiful Steve Holy
Good Morning The Kiboomers
Good Morning Good Morning The Beatles
Holy As a Day Is Spent Carrie Newcomer
Good Morning Lionel Richie
Good Morning Aaron Zigman & Alexandre Desplat A
New Day Corey Smith
Good Day Sunshine The Beatles
You Are the Sunshine of My Life Stevie Wonder
You Are My Sunshine Gene Autry
New Day River Valley Church
Day By Day Anna Maria Perez de Taglé & Godspell Ensemble