Resolution Reality Check

Today we are already more than 5 weeks into our new year. How are your resolutions coming along?

Every year about this time, I do a resolution reality check. What is working? What isn't? What is getting in my way?

I want to use the same excuse each year: I don't have enough time. It's not true, of course, it's an excuse. Our true priorities do show in the way we use our time. What is true is this:

There are 168 hours in each week. I spend a modest 52 of those hours asleep How I spend the remaining 116 hours demonstrates what matters most to me. If you were sitting beside me right now, you would know that putting away the Christmas decorations did not make the list!

For this year's reality check, I sat down a made a list of the things I do each week that matter the absolute most to me. My list would look a lot different than yours, but I included 1.5 hours a day for cooking the healthy meals we all love, 6 hours a week for exercise and 7 hours a week for spiritual growth and blog writing. I included 4 hours a week for hubby and and an hour a day for the 5 kids in heart-to-heart time.  Everything else that is necessary was then included, such as laundry, bathing kids, driving people places, paperwork, computer work and so on. Then I added in a modest amount of service; only the things I am already doing that matter the most to me. When I added up only the essential (to me) things, I realized why some of my efforts have not succeeded. These things that are essential to our happy-home-happy-hearts maintenance take 162 hours a week.

The fact that I have only 6 "discretionary" hours a week came as quite a shock to me; more so when I looked at the very modest amount of time I allotted to actual housework and driving the kids around, both huge time drains.  Don't misunderstand. I'm not whining about it. Quite the opposite: I'm relieved. I was calling myself "lazy" and "a slacker" because I was finding it so challenging to keep my resolutions. In reality, I was just up against the clock and hadn't acknowledged it!

There is no immediate solution for me. I am not willing to give up the modest amount of service I perform at church and school, nor am I going to stop doing laundry! Since I can't manufacture more time in the week, the true "solution" is this: I will be aware of the actual limit on my time and choose carefully how I spend that 6 hour gift each week. You can bet it won't be watching Downton Abbey, unless ironing or exercising are also happening.

Now this is me. It's fair to assume that people with fewer than 5 children at home might fare a bit better, time-wise. Yet you might be astonished at how heavily committed you actually are!  Try this exercise if you find you are lacking resolve around your resolutions. And don't forget to include time for fun, relaxtion and re-fueling in your "important" list - take time for those people and activities that are life-giving to you. Let me know how you fare!

6-Word Resolutions to Write on the Clean Slate

Here it is, folks, the clean page, the empty slate, the fresh start. A brand spankin' sparkly new New Year with all its hope and promise. Every year I make resolutions because they do serve me. I print them out , I repeat them in my journal and I write them in a fine hand to go on the refrigerator. I strive to keep them. Often, they form the basis for my Lenten Sacrifices and my Advent promises. 

I checked to see how I did last year. I am pleased with the results.

2013 6-Word Resolutions

Quiet: Take time every day to listen 

Exercise: 2 hours, 6 days, every week 

Nourish: Food that feeds me body and soul

Play:  Time each day with each one

Love:  Notice resistance, be myself, embrace vulnerability

Serve: Offer what I have freely, frequently

 I was very successful with Quiet, Nourish, Love, and Serve. Exercise fell apart in late March when I had my "spa vacation" at Seton. I had a tough time starting up again vigorously after the excitement in July but am full steam ahead now. At present, I'm doing an hour a day, 6 days. I will build up slowly from there.

Play also suffered some. I have shown some improvement with school out for the holidays but I do want to be mindful of each member of the family needing my undivided attention, even briefly, every day. 

Over all, it was a successful year. I feel sure I'd have not made this much progress without my resolutions to remind and guide me. I thought about just re-running them for this year, but instead took a fresh look.

I love the 6-word resolutions because they force me to think about what matters most to me. I hope you will consider some categories for yourself and give it a try.

Without further ado, here are my resolutions for 2014:

Health and Body - Fight hard every day, eat sustain-ably

 Education and Spiritual Growth - Bellarmine, de Montfort, reading, meditation and prayer

Vocation/Work - Learn Spanish, dream big, be daring

Relationships- Love with passion, live with forgiveness

Money and  Possessions -Acquire less, give lots, save more

Service - Choose and serve with care;  stay connected

So how about you? Any resolutions this year? My hope is that your 2014 will be filled with love and light and your resolutions be kept! Blessings.

Thoughts on Suffering (aka The Refining Fire)

There are two kinds of suffering, the physical kind that attends us through pain or illness and the emotional/spiritual kind. I do not think the source of the suffering matters that much; I think what we make of it is what transforms us.

I have a friend, Bea, who is in the midst of a cycle of suffering that many would find intolerable. What completely amazes and inspires me is her incredible faith in the midst of it all. She has what could be characterized as a "difficult" marriage. They have had a lot of challenges over the years but have chosen to work through them to keep their vows to each other. She is so sweet in her approach to her marriage, often asking herself, "Will this make my husband happy?," and then rejecting immediately any course of action to which that answer is either "I'm not sure" or "no." This sacrifice, this approach to partnership, is almost unheard of today. We are such a self-centered society; few of us would lay down our ego in this way.

Once I was speaking to her about the stressors in her family and we had a life-changing conversation. She said that she had scoffed at someone who stated that her family "was under spiritual attack." Within weeks, Bea found herself in the midst of such an attack and the choices she made in that brief period would rewrite the course of her marriage for many years to come. She said this, not as a way to bring sympathy to her plight, but in the tenderest and humblest way; she took on the suffering that resulted form that period as a kind of atonement.

I can imagine that people reading this are thinking now, that I have lost my marbles.! Are you thinking that I am advocating oppressive or abusive marriages in which an individual has no right to happiness or healthy or well being? Rest assured, I am not suggesting that anyone stay in an abusive situation. I am, however, pondering for myself the value of re-purposing the marriage relationship. What is possible if I am not so often putting my own happiness -- or what I think will make me happy -- at the forefront?

I am inspired by Bea because she has chosen to put her husband's happiness a the center of her life and choices and in so doing, has embraced suffering. That is an incredibly hard thing to do! She has given up relationships, turned away careers, sacrificed time with friends, chosen humility over "being right," and bitten her tongue -- all because doing so protected the sanctity of her marriage. She has truly -- and rarely, in my opinion -- embraced a different kind of marriage relationship, one that I have written about before. That is an inspiring lifestyle choice. Moreover, it is a transformative choice because it has ripened her into a person who truly knows what it is to love and to put oneself under discipline.

I do not know if I possess the steel will required to transform my life in like manner. What if I weren't so selfish? What if, instead of working so hard to avoid suffering, I embraced it? What if I were really able -- and willing -- more of the time to put another's needs before my own? It is an enticing experiment.

It's food for thought. I am so very grateful for the gift of Bea in my life; she is truly teaching me to be.

21 Days of Gratitude

Several years ago I developed a little program called 21 days of Gratitude. The idea is to spend the 3 weeks leading up Thanksgiving celebrating the people who have had profound influences on your life. (It's beneficial to anyone - not only Americans about to celebrate a holiday).

I am embarking on this year's journey tomorrow and am inviting you to come along. Yes, you! You with your busy schedule and your hectic plans for Thanksgiving. You with your nine kids and never a moment to call your own. You with the demanding job and crazy schedule.

This journey is more fun shared with others. It takes a few minutes a day and it will change your life. If you are ready to remember who you really are, please join me. It's free, it's fun and it will open your heart.

Contact me through any means - if you want to join the fun:
www.facebook.com/dreenamelea
dreena@gmail.com
+1.512.983.1390

We start tomorrow, November 6, but if you are seeing this late, it's not too late!

(Related post: The Assist)

Seven Quick Takes - Happy Hours, Memes and Cattle Drives

Fall is here. I'm so happy. It has been rainy and gloomy and cold and I could not be more joyous. Well yesterday it was sunny and cool which is even greater. It's fall -- so life is busy with 5 kids in 4 different educational settings so I've fallen behind on blogging. Hence today's foray into Seven Quick Takes (which as it turns out took 13 hours to get published and are now practically "out takes.")

One:

I tried to re-institute Happy Hour around here. My dear friend Laura reminded me that "running shoes and wine" are Mama's sanity savers. It seems, however,  that through all the dieting and heart stuff of the last year, I've lost my tolerance for a half-glass of wine. It just makes me want a nap. So Happy Hour lasted one day and has been replaced by Coffee Break. (Funny, writing this I realize I'm not allowed to drink alcohol with my heart meds. Oops. That explains the need for nap!)

Two:

In an "oh, duh" moment, I read an article on Web MD reporting a study that said doctors need to address lifestyle issues like obesity and sedentary lifestyles with their patients instead of just addressing the symptoms like high blood pressure and diabetes. Seriously, we needed a study to tell us this?  It shores up another study I read recently that said your physician is unlikely to mention weight to you if you are overweight but not very obese. It was kind of a "nice" thing. That jives with my experience for sure. It looks like it's still on us to manage our health and not wait for the doctors to tell us we need to exercise and lose weight. Oh it's so much easier when we have someone to blame. "My doctor didn't SAY I was overweight."

Three:

It had to be said, "What's the deal with Memes?" I know I am old, very very old. Okay, I'm 54. I see a lot of Memes. Very few amuse me. I mostly enjoy the ones where Ryan Gosling "talks" to the ladies:

I don't know why I love this so much. It's just ridiculous. But seriously, is it just me or do a lot of Memes miss the mark? Oh, and do I have to capitalize "M"emes? In case you are a funny person though, here's a "build your own Meme" site.

Four:

I would like to learn how to count money in Spanish. I am starting to get along with my customers quite well in Spanish, but I have no idea how to count money to them. I am not talking about the actual words for the numbers -- though I could brush up on them -- I am wondering what's the proper way to do it?  In English, if we're counting hundreds (of dollars) for instance, we'll say, "$500 coming back to you: One, two, three, four, five hundred," or "four, five, . . (ETC). . nine hundred, one thousand, eleven-hundred, twelve, thirteen, fourteen hundred." So you see my dilemma. In Spanish (at least the Texas version) is it permissible to leave off the hundreds or do you have to say them every time? My coworker keeps promising to show me but on the days we both work, we're too all-fired busy for remedial Spanish. If you know these things, please help me!

Five

Passive aggressiveness can be so subtle. I actually prefer the guy in the church parking lot blaring his horn at me to the lady who thinks I took her parking spot so parks so close to my car I can't open the door. (Blanket useful fact here: I have a lot of distractions in the car; I probably never even saw you.) 

So here is my "coach tip" of the day: How do you know if you're passive aggressive? If you don't like your neighbor's kids playing basketball at midnight and you ask the HOA to ban basketball hoops in driveways, you might be passive aggressive. A more useful approach is to ask the neighbor kids not to play after 10:00 PM because it is disturbing your sleep. I'm sure they aren't keeping you awake on purpose. Being direct is a lot more likely to get you what you want, even though it is more uncomfortable at first. Try asking a friend to support you by letting you practice with them first. If you really, really just can't say the words, write a note that begins with "I'm a little shy but I want to tell you . . ." and deliver it with a plate of cookies and a smile. In the long run, people will love you for it.

Six

I'm really worried about boys playing football. Those head injuries can have such long-term consequences. I think every parent of boys should be required to watch this Frontline specials, "League of Denial." Even if not all the conclusions they draw are 100% correct, there is enough there to make me say, "Sorry sons. No football for you."  We just can't risk it.

Seven

Tomorrow is Chisholm Trail Days in Georgetown. I'm going to "encourage" Daddy to take the kiddos - I think it would be fun if the weather cooperates. I'm telling you this so you'll go check it out too! It's the time of year to get outdoors, people. They have a cattle drive at noon!

Have a great weekend!