A Year for Vision and Celebration

I had the most lovely dream last night. Or I should say, I had an amazing dream THIS night as it's 2:00 in the morning! I was working with a group to create a Christmas display in a community. In my dream, it was Lockhart, TX, probably because I drove through their square and past their gorgeous old courthouse today.

We were working as a group to create various pieces of this immense and sprawling display. It was a true extravaganza! As we would wind down in one area, a new idea would emerge and all would pitch in to bring that vision to fruition, using the talents and know-how of the group and gathering materials from what was on hand. And so we went from area to area, each more lovely than the next, more interactive, more alive, somehow.

At the last, we decided to work on a swing that would lower a lovely lady slowly to the ground. As as she alighted, something in the display was illuminated. It was my mentor, Sue Oldham, now many years gone. Sue was a fiercely loyal, loving and tough, athletic woman, toughest on herself, and I was mesmerized by this side of her, so soft and radiant and light. 

 We worked and worked on this and kept trying to overcome structural problems and various issues to make it work, because it was "my baby" and I do not like to give up. Finally it was "curtain time" and people were about to walk through and the person acting as MC and construction boss, called it and took that bit out of the display, mainly for safety reasons. It was one of my trainers, Dr. Richard Perry. So we moved away the pulleys and let down our "angel" and  re-secured the tent to make sure it was all sound. 

 Richard then told me, "Slow down; rest now and take in your creation!" Perhaps uncharacteristically, I was able to do exactly that. I remember fleeing for a minute to quiet down the mind-talk and accept reality. I was very quickly able to move to acceptance and see it all as it was and to truly celebrate what we had created. 

As I awoke, the message was loud and clear to me. There has to be a time in which we stop making "improvements" and we embrace our efforts (and ourselves.)  Sometimes, our best, really has to be good enough. 

It is so tempting this time of year to look at all we've missed or stumbled upon in the past year, and vow to be better, do better, strive harder, etc. Certainly, there are plenty of places in my life where I need to  do that. There are other places too, though, where I need to bask more in the joy of the creation. 

I hope your new year is full of promise, hope, vision  and resolution . . . and also, celebration; soaking in who you are and what you've done in the world. This year, celebrate you!

 Happy New Year. 

Image by kurt duschek from Pixabay 

2016 Resolution Epiphany

On the Feast of Epiphany, I had an epiphany. I do want to write down my resolutions this year. I thought I wasn't making any resolutions -- not sure why I thought that -- but I realized on Epiphany that I already had made them. Acknowledging them made good sense.

I like the six-word resolutions I've made for many years. It's a concise form that works for me. This year, I took the "burning issues" in my life and made resolutions around them. But first . . . . a story.

In 2005, I made a set resolutions as I usually do. I recently ran across them reiterated in an entry from December of that year. They were simple and relationship based. I don't remember all of them but here are the basics:

• Play games with the girls (then 7 & 9)
• Spend more time with family (his, mine and ours)
• Right some wrongs
• Sew more 
• Be more spontaneous. Enjoy my life. 

Per the note in my journal, I was trying to see what I had left untended or unfulfilled. By December, I'd completed a lot of them. One thing stood glaringly unfinished: I had not made amends for breaking the heart of a sister-friend. I hadn't done it on purpose; it was more a slow building of a wall between us, brick by brick. I resolved to correct this.

I got a big old plate of grace when a few days after making the note in my journal, that very dear one called me and asked me to attend a conference with her. I did so and within a few hours of arriving there, I sought her out to make amends. Being the large-hearted person she was, she forgave me and we spent those several days mending our relationship.

In 2006, I spent tons of time with her; we were working closely together professionally but more, we were sisters and super-friends again. We spoke on the phone every day; we saw each other once or twice a week. In April we made a spontaneous decision to go to a meeting that evening in Houston. On the drive down and back, sans the distraction of both of our kids, she told me stories I'd never heard about her life. I relished every moment of that day and sent silent prayers of gratitude that I'd kept that resolution and brought her fully back into my life.

A few weeks later, she was dead. Even though it took me 11 months to keep that resolution the year before, making  the resolution was what eventually spurred me to do the hard thing and tear down that wall. Thank God I did.

So there you have it. Most year's resolutions are not so prescient. Nonetheless, I have never been sorry for making -- and attempting to keep -- my New Year's resolutions. 

Without further ado, here is my streamlined plan for 2016: 

Exercise 3 days, track steps, food

Daily quiet, reading, writing, and knitting

Sort and cull; clear the clutter

Love my 6 most beloved more

To support these actions, I've SMART planned them. I'm happy to have accomplished this, though a few days later than typically. 

What are you/have you resolved to do this year?

PS - I write about resolutions most years and often more than once!. Here are several of those posts:

New Resolutions:

2015: More is More, Less is More and More is Better!
2014: Six Word Resolutions to Write on the Clean Slate
2013: Resolutionary Manifesto
2012: A Single Resolution
2011: New Year's Revolution
2010: Resolution Revolution
2009: God on Speed Dial

Taking Stock Along the Way:

Dec 2015: The Un-listened to "Provided That"
Dec 2014: A Change of Face
Feb 2014: Resolution Reality Check
Jan 2013: Hope for my Resolutions

The Un-Listened to "Provided That"

It's a bright new year. Another new beginning, second chance, one more time. That's right folks: "One more time " . . . it's not "too many times." 

It's so easy for my mind (and yours?) to go there: "You're a failure. You work on these things every year. How many times will it take to get it "right?" There's something wrong with you. You're a fraud. You should give up."

Here's the big news: Not everything you think is true. In fact, I'd venture to say a lot of it is not true. It's never the right time to give up on yourself. We do learn from our successes but the real growth opportunity is in our failures. It's in trying and not succeeding that we find out what are our "provided thats," and what are our stumbling blocks. On our next attempt, we have a chance to factor those "provided thats" into our new plan.

Are you confused yet? Here's an example:

When I look at my resolutions from last year, I see that I did not completely fail. Ha! Take that mind-talk. That said, I immediately notice a resolution I did not keep 100%:

"Take time each day to meditate, reflect, process, choose and -- the biggy --be grateful."

I made this about 50% of the time.  Why not? 2 reasons: 1) I had a hidden "provided that" and, 2), once I got off track, I had a hard time getting back on track, even completely forgetting for days at a time.

The hidden "provided that" was "provided that I got a reasonable amount of sleep (6+ hours) and I wasn't sick."  Whew.

Now I have to decide if I want to factor in my "provided that" into my plans.  Having 5 kids means that someone is having a crisis a LOT of the time. And it turns out that kids and crises and sleep aren't good friends. So between lack of sleep and occasional illness, I would probably be hitting about 60-70% of the days. That's actually not close enough for me.

Mid year, I decided to amend my resolution based on what I'd learned: "Take time to meditate (etc) at least 5 times a week." This was an acceptable compromise to me and allowed me a couple of days for my life to interfere with my plans.

I haven't made my 2016 resolutions yet. When I do, however, I will spend a little more time plumbing out my "provided thats" at the beginning to increase my odds of success through the year.

What are your resolutions?  

More is More, Less is More and More is Better! Happy New Years!

It's a new year  I am celebrating one more beautiful year on this planet and 20 beautiful years with my dear hubby. I love the new year and the new start.  After several years of Six-Word Resolutions to plan my leap into the new year, this year I decided to begin with images that evoke me. I started with Pinterest.

I took some time to reflect on what has inspired me this year: beautiful, healthy food, time with my family, some really good reading, putting away my computer and getting back into knitting, a friend returning from her year away, starting work at a school . . . the list is a long one. Then I selected the images that inspire me to fly high in 2015.  (Here is my visual board.)

After sitting on these for a couple of days, I am happy with my final list, loosely divided into six categories:

Quiet
Take time each day to meditate, reflect, process, choose and -- the biggy --be grateful.
Shore up my support system.
Remember, quality is more important than quantity.

Nourish
Eat healthy to live happy. Listen to my body.

Add steps and exercise; push my potential.
Reach my goal weight, 1 pound at a time.
Remember, to consider both quality and quantity.

Love
Keep a jar full of happy memories to review on December 31.
Spend more time with those who matter most (and the converse: consider carefully time commitments)
Write letters - 1 per week
Remember, more is more!

Possessions and Finances
Live in a way that is congruent with our values. Buy into loving them more and buying them less.
The above includes fast food.  Schedule a fast food fast and Foods stamps budget - planned abstinence.
Remember, less is more (fulfilling).

Vocation/Career
Consider certification; reach a decision by fall.
Continuing education on autism.
Remember, work smarter, not harder.

Play


Knit more!
Read good books - at least 12
Go camping 5 times this year.
Play games with the family weekly (or better, more often)
Remember, more is better!

Serve
Live my faith: Serve at church and in the community; nourish a generous spirit.
Create a plan to pass on leadership in the hospitality ministry.
Remember to do less, but better.

I find making resolutions really helps me keep my focus on what matters to me.  I write them on pretty paper and post them on my fridge and look at them quite regularly. I fall out of step with them at times but then step back in again in due course. If I did not make resolutions, I would be less purposeful in creating the life I love to live!

I'd love to hear what you are resolving this year, and how you are going about it!

Resolution Reality Check

Today we are already more than 5 weeks into our new year. How are your resolutions coming along?

Every year about this time, I do a resolution reality check. What is working? What isn't? What is getting in my way?

I want to use the same excuse each year: I don't have enough time. It's not true, of course, it's an excuse. Our true priorities do show in the way we use our time. What is true is this:

There are 168 hours in each week. I spend a modest 52 of those hours asleep How I spend the remaining 116 hours demonstrates what matters most to me. If you were sitting beside me right now, you would know that putting away the Christmas decorations did not make the list!

For this year's reality check, I sat down a made a list of the things I do each week that matter the absolute most to me. My list would look a lot different than yours, but I included 1.5 hours a day for cooking the healthy meals we all love, 6 hours a week for exercise and 7 hours a week for spiritual growth and blog writing. I included 4 hours a week for hubby and and an hour a day for the 5 kids in heart-to-heart time.  Everything else that is necessary was then included, such as laundry, bathing kids, driving people places, paperwork, computer work and so on. Then I added in a modest amount of service; only the things I am already doing that matter the most to me. When I added up only the essential (to me) things, I realized why some of my efforts have not succeeded. These things that are essential to our happy-home-happy-hearts maintenance take 162 hours a week.

The fact that I have only 6 "discretionary" hours a week came as quite a shock to me; more so when I looked at the very modest amount of time I allotted to actual housework and driving the kids around, both huge time drains.  Don't misunderstand. I'm not whining about it. Quite the opposite: I'm relieved. I was calling myself "lazy" and "a slacker" because I was finding it so challenging to keep my resolutions. In reality, I was just up against the clock and hadn't acknowledged it!

There is no immediate solution for me. I am not willing to give up the modest amount of service I perform at church and school, nor am I going to stop doing laundry! Since I can't manufacture more time in the week, the true "solution" is this: I will be aware of the actual limit on my time and choose carefully how I spend that 6 hour gift each week. You can bet it won't be watching Downton Abbey, unless ironing or exercising are also happening.

Now this is me. It's fair to assume that people with fewer than 5 children at home might fare a bit better, time-wise. Yet you might be astonished at how heavily committed you actually are!  Try this exercise if you find you are lacking resolve around your resolutions. And don't forget to include time for fun, relaxtion and re-fueling in your "important" list - take time for those people and activities that are life-giving to you. Let me know how you fare!

Resolutionary Manifesto

It's New Year's Eve and I sit on the peak, only hours away from the fresh start, the clean slate, and square one; the new opportunity of a brand-spanking-new year.  If you've known me more than a minute, you'll recognize I'm the optimistic sort that truly relishes the new beginning.

Thus, I'm also a "Resolutionist" - the type of person who uses that blank page to write in a new me in the form of resolutions -- or more precisely, disciplines -- that will guide my plans and actions in the new year.  Some years my resolutions have been stringent, precise, and exacting. On other years I've chosen to be more vague, leaving room for interpretation as I travel the year-long path.  Last year, I remained mindful of my resolutions through the long and winding journey of 12 months; many times they are discarded after Easter either by choice or unconsciousness.

For the first time in a while, I'm turning the page on the calendar with a fresh face. I set out to have a conscientious Advent season and I think I succeeded; I find myself in the middle of the Christmas season and at the end of the year with a clearer idea of what will support me in the months to come.

Our home is a cacophany of joyous (or not) noise and activity all day long.  It's a surprisingly strenuous task to direct this busy household and support 6 other people.  I'd not trade it for piles of gold and yet I freely admit, it's the most difficult role I've ever held.

I've realized that in addition to my completely sincere and essential (though oft stated) plans to exercise and eat healthfully, what is most needed in my Resolutionary Manifesto for 2013 is frequent opportunity for quiet, reflection, meditation, processing and a deep breath.

During the time of preparation that is Advent, I have been faithful to a minimum of 30 minutes a day of quiet meditation (often much more) and it is bearing fruit in me already.  I feel deeply revived.  I feel settled in my body and my legs are strong beneath me.  Don't get me wrong, I am stressed more often than I wish I were, but I more quickly recognize it, take the deep breath, regroup and/or apologize.  I see more and I feel more so I love more.  It's simple.  Maintenance of this time of prayer and reflection is my utmost priority in 2013. If I do not mention it again, please ask me how it's going.

Here is my six-word resolution for this year:

Quiet: Take time every day to listen

Exercise: 2 hours, 6 days, every week

Nourish: Food that feeds me body and soul

Play:  Time each day with each one

Love:  Notice resistance, be myself, embrace vulnerability

Serve: Offer what I have freely, frequently

Perhaps you will have a moment in the next 24 hours to take a deep breath for yourself, consider the year just past, then joyfully rip off the cover of the new calendar and write down some of your hopes and dreams. May your new year be your most Resolutionary ever!

Cheers.

A Single Resolution

I love resolutions.  I've said this before.  The idea of a "fresh start" is just so alluring.  I do it every year.  This year I am keeping it simple.  Here is my resolution for 2012:

I will set higher standards for myself and lower my expectations of everyone else. 

I have noticed that over time, I stop "bringing my best."  Yet I don't really want to live life halfway.  I will implement it in every area of life, from exercise to fun;  why have half as much fun as is on offer?  I want it all, baby!

I am also keenly aware of my tendency to be critical of others -- so I am choosing to actively censor that critic and become more embracing of others just as they are, especially my nearest and dearest!

What about you?  Are you making any New Year's Resolutions this year?

New Year's Revolution

I am facing a clean page, a clean slate, a new year. I realize the end of the year is an arbitrary thing and that the calendar is mankind’s invention. Yet I think the year “ends” for a reason and that reason is grace. Humans need a new beginning. We need a fresh start, another chance, hope.

I am a resolutionist. You read that right -- a resolution-ist. Each year I make resolutions and I use them as a springboard to real and lasting change. Perhaps you could call me a revolutionist, because what I am going for is a revolution in my life.

I think resolutions, in general, are under-appreciated. Most people do not realize the innovative power of the fresh page. Simply promising to do things differently or be different is, of course, not enough. A successful revolution requires a leader, a plan, and a change in consciousness. In order to have a successful revolution, I have to be willing to be a leader in my own life.

It seems obvious, doesn’t it? And yet becoming a leader in one’s own life is indeed a revolutionary step. It means that we can no longer blame our parents, our spouse, our past or fate for our unhappiness or lack of success. It means that I and I alone am responsible for building the life I want to live and creating the world in which I want to live it. It sounds like blasphemy, doesn’t it?

I am not suggesting that God does not have a place in my life. Not at all. I’m suggesting that God is not responsible for my unhappiness which could, indeed, be called unfaithfulness. We have shared responsibility-- co-authorship-- if you will. God is responsible for things in God’s realm, and I am responsible for things in my realm. And peace of mind certainly lies in knowing which is which.

Hence, I am once again a resolutionist. Things will change in my life once more, and I will once again be the author of that change, God – and I – willing.

This year I will use a pattern I found some time ago, the six-word resolution. I will make a resolution in each of six areas of my life: (1) Health and Body,(2) Education and Spiritual Growth, (3) Vocation/Work, (4) Relationships, (5) Money and Material Possessions, and (6) Service. Step Two of my private revolution is to choose specific actions for creating the change and checkpoints for accountability. The reason many resolutions fail is because most people do not take the time for Step Two. Of course Step Three is living it out –putting my revolution where my mouth is -- and making reasonable adjustments as I go.

Here are my resolutions for 2011; may they inspire you to map out your own New Year’s Revolution!

• Health and Body: Get to my goal weight; maintain.
• Education and Spiritual growth: Daily writing and reflection; more collaboration
• Work/Vocation: Implement a marketing plan for Coaching
• Relationships: Play often, laugh lots, love more
• Money and Material Possessions: Cull out, organize; acquire and waste less
• Service: More time and attention to fostering

Resolution Revolution

Unbelievably, 2010 is knocking on the door. Yes, indeed.

I know lots of people don't make New Year's resolutions, but I do . . . and I often keep them!! (BTW, I also make Lenten promises and Birthday commitments). I think resolutions are part of my life-long-learner-ness. I want to be intentional about how I live my life and introspective about how I have been living it.

I am having a resolution revolution. This year, I am going after what most matters and I will make more specific plans each week on how to carry them out. Keeping it simple will make them easier to remember. Making them about big things will allow me to roll with life's punches in planning the day-to-day carrying out of them. I'm riffing off a favorite blog, Lynn's Weigh, and making all my resolutions six-word ones. So here goes:

WEIGHT: Stay the course, win the race!
EXERCISE: Avon race, family fun, daily doses.
FAMILY: Love 'em like there's no tomorrow.
WORK: Exceed my own expectations, every week.
SPIRITUAL: Give more, get more, pray more.
FRIENDS: More time for the most important.

In the next few days, I will be putting into place some ways to carry out these resolutions in the first weeks of 2010, because of my favorite 6-word mantra: Fail to plan, plan to fail! I am going to send myself a reminder once a month to review my resolutions. I can't wait!

Not the same auld lang syne

The auld lang syne -- the old times fondly remembered -- are with us. Yep, it's January 6 and believe it or not, lots of people have already given up on their new year's resolutions. This is true nearly every year. Depending on whose statistics you trust, within 6 to 8 weeks, 87% of those resolutions will be out the window.

Going to the gym in January can be a challenge. All those "resolutionaries" are in there and the place is packed. I just take a few deep breaths and remind myself that by March, only about 1 in 10 of them will still be showing up.

So how do we break the cycle and be part of the minority who truly change our lives? Here are some quick tips:

Get support. Find someone who will walk the walk with you and is going for similar change or someone who will "hold your feet to the fire" when you forget why you're doing this.

Write down not only realistic and attainable goals, but incremental ones, as well.

Look at the stumbling blocks of the past. Did you resolve to spend less money -- but fail to create a budget? Notice what snagged you last time and do it differently.

Make it a habit. I once read that if you do something 21 times in a row, it becomes a habit. This appeals to me. So if I resolve to -- for example -- eat healthily for 21 days and long before day 22, I no longer have to think about it. It's part of my life! (This works in reverse as well -- NOT doing something 21 times is like magic to break a bad habit.)

Plan for setbacks and how you will get back on course afterward. We have our agenda and life has its. The true learning comes in dealing with the things we don't expect.

Celebrate each success -- but not with something you will have to make another resolution on next year! In other words, don't make your celebrations around food or spending money. Celebrate by paying attention to how you achieved your goal and noticing what it took to do it. This will provide true fuel for moving onward.

So . . . did you make any resolutions? If you did and you are off track, it's not too late to get back on track!

God on speed-dial

Last night, I drifted off to sleep thinking about my new year's resolutions. I dreamt that I was talking on my cell phone to one of my spiritual advisers. I have often called upon him when I am in a spiritual quandary, but I haven't spoken to him in months. Further, I've never been on the phone in a dream before! In my dreams, I am always speaking to people in person. Why I was on the phone?

Perhaps, in my dream, this adviser symbolizes God; After all, one of my youngsters called him "God" for a year when she learned to talk. The phone's role was to speak to God and then to tell me what to do. I pondered my need for an intermediary to speak to God.

I suddenly remembered several events in my life in which I'd used an intermediary. It was usually because I thought the other person wouldn't like what I had to say, or -- more truthfully and more often -- because I wouldn't like what they had to say. I wondered what it was that God had to say to me that I was not wanting to hear. I remembered, in a flash, Father Joel saying recently, "Be assured; God is speaking to you in the events of your life."

So I asked-- in a solitary, soapy moment at the car wash -- "What are my new year's resolutions?"
And then I looked at the events of my life and discerned what is being said. The answer was plain. No static.

• Stop resisting.
• Live masterfully.
• Embrace your life (and all within it).
• Be a peacemaker.
• Lean in.

It's pretty simple stuff, isn't it?
It rings.

Stay tuned!