A Problem Turned Party

A few years ago a creative genius named Tom Morely told me -- in much nicer words than these -- that I was an uptight square and lacked imagination. I responded by studiously avoiding any contact with him for the next 12 months. Of course this wasn't so difficult given that he lived in London and I in Texas.

We next met on a course called Seven Days of Creation in England. I had thought often about Tom's feedback to me but I still wasn't taking it all that well.  I knew I had something to learn from him, but I freely admit I was being dragged to the learning kicking and screaming like a little boy to a bath.

As luck -- and the trainers -- would have it, Tom and I were assigned to a project along with two other members of the group.  Doing this project with my group opened my eyes to the creativity within me but perhaps more importantly, I found myself grateful and humbled by the rare gift of someone who cared enough about me to help me see my blind spots.  At our project's successful end, I saw both Tom and myself through different eyes.

A year or so later while working, I had what could fairly described as a break-down.  Through a series of teachable moments, I had finally come face to face with my own propensity toward rigidness and driven-ness -- and it was not pretty.  The cold hard truth was difficult to face alone so I called up my friend Tom.  I asked him for some straight up advice -- how could I break the back of the accusations in my mind that kept pushing me toward perfectionism and away from creativity?

His advice was practical.  He said that in his own life whenever he found himself stuck in a corner with either no way out or only one way out, he knew he needed to collaborate.  He said that when he brought other people into the conversation (rather than it all being between him and his ego!), creativity flourished and driven-ness wilted.

That has turned out to be one of the most life-giving things I have ever learned.  Some times it takes some discipline to choose to collaborate and at times some creativity to decide whom to ask, but there is a big payoff for doing so.  Every time I take a "problem" and turn it into an opportunity to collaborate, it becomes a party.  It's mind-boggling. 

Earlier this week, my Wii died.  This is more serious a problem than it sounds, because my Wii Fit Plus was my entire plan for exercise the next day.  I woke up the next morning pretty grumpy and seeing that corner.  So as I often have in the past couple of years, I remembered Tom's advice.  I messaged several of my friends and asked for help.  By the end of the day I had burned more than 800 calories and had an absolute ball doing it.  It was fun.  In fact, it was a blast!

So the next time the corners of your mouth are pointing down and your jaw is tight, take Tom's advice.  Look and see with whom you can collaborate and turn that problem into a party.  Cheers!

Announcement

My news of the day is that I have a new blog. I know, I know, I don't post that regularly here, but that is because what I often want to write about is my now-large family and all the life-changing things going on there. And I am thinking that those topics are not always a fit for this blog which is more from the Life Coach point of view.

The blog is called, "Bright Love - Living Large in a Big Family." It has a three-fold purpose:

1) to relate stories of life lived en mass
2) to share whatever I am learning about home management for seven people (and hopefully pick up a few tips on the way)
3) to chronicle the fun, funny, crazy life we lead because as I've learned with the older girls, time goes way fast.

I know this isn't for everyone and if it isn't for you, please recommend it to anyone who might enjoy it. I love the interaction on my blogs and since this one won't go on my Facebook feed, I'd like to build a little readership.

Thanks for reading and I'll be back soon with something on living a bright life!

Gifts and Graces in Battle

I have been in battle this week and by "battle" I mean hand-to-hand combat with my mind. In the end most of what I struggle with in my life comes down to a spiritual battle. It all comes back to me telling the fundamental truth about who I am and which things in life are in my domain to "fix," change or even affect.

For example, I have been counting calories since January 15 and increasing my exercise to lose weight. I have been carefully tracking every bite and nibble, meditating, exercising, eating "low on the food chain" and generally paying close attention to my health. At the start, I had two really encouraging weeks in which I lost 2 pounds each. Since then, I have not lost an ounce and, in fact, when this week I stepped on the scale, I had actually gained 4/10ths of a pound.

Everything in me screamed, "It's not fair! I've been good! This is too hard! It shouldn't be this way."

Sound familiar?

I went through a process I'd learned almost 17 years ago in my More to Life weekend. It isn't magic - it's truth telling. And it is incredibly powerful to tell the truth in all it's fullness and magnificence.

Here a couple of the truths I uncovered: Weight loss is a process and there are hundreds of variables that affect weight. If I do what I know how to do--which is decrease calories and increase muscle-- it will eventually show up on the scale. I acknowledged what I had been doing for my health and the changes I've made to my lifestyle. But perhaps most importantly, I saw that I can do all that I know how to do and that's it. I could probably drop pounds by drastically reducing my caloric intake or ramping up my exercise to an untenable level but in the end, I'm "about" something else. I'm about being healthy and becoming fit while still carrying on with the other things that matter so much to me. My most important truth, however is that I am not in charge. Some things are out of my domain. The frustration factor comes in when I lose track of that. Once I can see the truth, I can go on about making a real difference in the world.

Perhaps most importantly, I remembered once again, with gratitude, what having these tools means to me. Once again, I am in creativity and able to see possibility in every area of my life. And I am once again walking tall with my warrior backbone in place. It's a joy!